"The stark emptiness.
Consuming from within.
Killing me softly."
I looked at the Facebook photos of him and her again.
Smiles greeted me with every attempt at making me feel the same happiness depicted. Yet all I could feel were daggers driving straight at the epicenter of my heart. Their happiness made me jealous; I could feel my eyes swell with tears that were threatening to drop any moment. She should have been mine, and I shouldn't have spent Christmas night alone.
Months ago we were spending days of joy and blithe together. Inseparable, we cherished every single second of the limited time that we had. It was so sweet I believed I was in fairyland. My wildest dreams came true, and I thought she was the one. Never would I have imagined that those happy days would end so quickly. I thought I made a mistake, but no, that was not the case. She found someone new, someone that could provide better for her, someone that could satisfy her materialistic fantasies, someone that she thought was better.
There was nothing I could do except to throw myself into self-deprivation. I could not accept this. I pleaded with myself to move on, but it was way harder than I thought. I am like a kite whose string snapped, flying around aimlessly in the sky, helpless and simply thrashed around by the unforgiving brutal winds. When the winds stopped I would dive head-on to the ground, suffering bruises and pain. Yet what could I do? The wind picked me up again but I was still played around in the sky with no control of my own. When the winds stopped and I would crash into the ground again. This was a never-ending vicious cycle, and I am a victim of my own doing.
I need the string back on me again.
I need someone who can guide me along, someone who is willing to stay with me, be it in clear skies or stormy nights. I need someone who never gives up no matter how tough the going gets. Like a dedicated kite-flyer and his kite, we can overcome everything together so long as we have that little bit of faith and commitment.
I am still waiting for my kite-flyer. No more Facebook for me at the moment.
