The Puppet

"One lifeless being,
Dancing on the shadowed stage.
Never in limelight."

You know that nothing good is ever going to come out of this and yet you cling on to it like it's everything your life hinges upon. You know that ultimately you are going to be thrashed around and hurt and be inflicted with bruises and yet you still dive straight in. In this game you are just a toy, a mere puppet that is manipulated to extremes. And yet you willingly let yourself be controlled, be led out of rationality, be changed, be not you.

Everyone around you tells you that this is not worth it. Every law of living denotes with certainty that with every action you take you are destroying your life. You wallow in despair; you know for sure that you are simply smearing salt on the many uncountable wounds on that feeble body of yours and yet you do it all the same. You try so hard, too hard even, that in the process you lose sight of why you are even trying so hard. Maybe it was something that meant something to you, something that you hold dear to, something close to your heart. Or is it? You do not know. All you know is that you must salvage it. You are adamant that with dogged determination everything will return to what it once was. You hold on to the belief that with the passage of time the happy memories will start flowing like the river again. Every stream and every droplet of water will satisfy you, quenching your thirst and yearning for embrace.

But reality defies everything that you believe in. All that you know are merely fantasies that your mind feeds you, and the only reason why your mind feeds you that is because you let it. For so long you let yourself sink into a world of mirage where everything around you is unrealistic. Unreliable. Untrustworthy. You feel so cheated, so betrayed. And the only reason you feel what you feel is because you refuse to face up to reality. You refuse to see that what you are doing is meaningless and that nothing is going to change, ever. You try convincing yourself to step out of the shadows that have shrouded your ability to judge, but you can't because you have been so used to the warmth and comfort that the illusions provide. It is just like a sweet dream; it feels so good when you are sleeping, but the moment you wake up and confront reality you feel like you have been banished to hell. To face the demons and be tormented over and over.

Ironically, the agony gathers you the strength to stand on your own two feet again. With each tear you shed you become stronger. It still hurts, but now you have learned how to deal with the pain. You still hope that things get better, but you have also learned to let go and move on. You have been crushed and your heart wrenched, but now you are no longer the puppet that lived his life for the fancy of others.

You know it is time to be yourself, to live life your own way again.